


O Children

by StainedGlassDreams



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M, Love, buckynat - Freeform, post Black Widow, pre-Secret Empire, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 08:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12791100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StainedGlassDreams/pseuds/StainedGlassDreams
Summary: It's strange, how one movement can cause a memory. How one dance and a lovestruck idiot, can bring everything back.





	O Children

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this scene from Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows:https://youtu.be/GM5WI4MTXzc

She isn't supposed to be here. She walks up the fire escape, coming in to the window of a lower floor as she makes her way up, for reasons she thinks she knows but then loses it, like a flame that almost lit.  
Not even a day after she finally conquered her past, she gets a call from James, asking if she can come to an address, no reason specified.  
The stairwell looks familiar, as it starts coming back her steps find themselves becoming slower. It's Barnes' apartment. ...Their apartment.  
"402" hangs on the door, and she sees the door is the slightest bit ajar.  
She has to stops herself from momentarily losing her breath, as memory becomes solid and it feels like a gust of soft wind. She sees pieces of a thousand moments, whether with him or alone; the scent, placement, quiet sayings in the dark.

She sees James get up, in just a simple white tee and pants and wordlessly, just outstretch his hand. It's then she sees the record slowly spinning near the window.  
"You're kidding."  
He remains silent, looking at her with a hidden sadness. Like he's afraid of something.  
"You invited me all the way up here, to dance?"  
James keeps his hand ourstetfhed until she takes it and in that moment, she understands.  
He keeps her close, taking her back as he rocks before starting in a slow circle.  
("I don't give a damn", the window is letting in the cold air from outside but it feels like the sun is kissing her lips)  
Nat spins as he lets his hand go briefly so she can.  
("Oh Thank friggin God, Thank God.", Her mind is tumbling out of freefall as her ballerina wrappings are choking her legs)

And all the memories she couldn't reach, they're peppering in with every careful step, the one Barnes keeps letting her lead. Giving her a chance to catch her breath; leave.  
It's like watching a Polaroid develop, as she twirls James.  
He's watching every step with the slightest bit of sadness in his eye, like he's scared this will be the last time and he wants to do everything he can to memorize it.  
"Why did you do this?" She asks.  
Every word sounds like it's taking a crowbar to pry it from his mouth. "In New York. We thought we got you back. ...I had to go after Leo but I had this feeling, I wasn't going to see you again." They continue silently swaying. "I hated it, I thought it was just Leo getting into my head again; he'd already wormed too far deep. And then the second layer kicked in and...I was right." The tempo hasn't changed but she feels his body tense the slightest bit. "It was my fault. I let you go after him. I didn't think hard enough." And the words change. Become quieter. "...So on the moon...When we talked... I had that same feeling again. Whatever the Lion did, I don't know if it's permanent."

The piano in the back continues, quiet trumpets and all. She suddenly remembers she once said she loved this record.

"I needed to tell you this time, what I wasn't able to five years ago. That I never stopped loving you. I never felt as empty as I did, the moment I thought I lost you forever." He continues swaying, the movement slowing with the music. "...That I'm sorry I wasn't there." He extends her to twirl her. "That not getting there in-"  
And she stops him, both from speaking and twirling her, catching his hand before slowly lowering it.  
"You haven't apologized for leaving." She says, and she sees the wet eyes he's been hiding in the dark. "Why?"  
His hands lower, but she keeps a hold on his left, the one he was going to twirl her with. "We've had our minds played with so many times, Nat." He says, regret dripping off every syllable.  
"By HYDRA. The Red Room. Not you."  
"No, all I've done was cause you trouble."  
And it's here she takes a stand, the reason she knows he's been hiding behind. "No." She says, a firmness in her voice now. "That's the only thing you should have to apologize for. They caused us trouble. All those years were hell. We were the one good thing. In all of it."  
And for the first time, James looks directly at her, and she wants nothing more than to kiss him. Here, now, always.  
"I couldn't see them prod you again. Not for me."  
"You dumb, stupid idiot."  
She sees years of sleepless nights in his irises as she walks up to him. "Only ever for you."

And as she kisses him, he eases into her and holds her.  
They embrace, all the days and nights and years of confusion, falling away as she feels comfort in his lips. She remembers the fountain it's always been, since those days in the Red Room. The small, stolen moments they grasped for like lost oxygen; the showers, missions, and motels that weren't bugged.  
She takes off his shirt as he carries her, placing her on the kitchen table as he takes off her shirt and bra, shedding them onto the floor.  
Natasha remembers the soft whispers she would give him on hard nights, and those same soft assurances he gave her on her own nightmare nights.  
She undoes his zipper and he carries her again, setting her down gently on the bed that God, smells so much like him and she can't say how grateful she is, right here in this moment.  
He takes off her pants and slides her own off, kissing her hip, stomach and neck before he makes her way to her lips, whispering "I missed you so much."  
She pulls him closer, as she replies "Show me how much."

And it's here where everything comes away. The fear James has been holding in him since she walked in the door, the regret and pain he danced with.  
The worry all this was something she was dreaming up, and she really died up on the moon's surface, a mercy dream from Nick. The fear she'd never find out why everytime she stared at James, it felt like she needed to say something, never knowing what it was.  
They climax as he cusses in Russian, staying there for what feels like infinity before they come apart, laying alongside each other.

He looks at her for a moment, before he slowly puts his hand on the side of her neck, his thumb caressing her cheek. "I'm sorry."  
She puts her hand on his, taking his and kissing it. "I don't want to hear it again tonight."  
Admiration in silence passes for a moment before he breaks it. "I thought I'd never touch your face again." Plays with her hand, his hand just as loving as she remembers it. She rests her head on his chest, as he kisses it. "I never forgot you." She pauses, remembering the small light that was always there. "Even when I couldn't remember you, you were always there." She lets herself rest, for the first time in as along as she can remember, as she says "I'm not going anywhere, loverboy."  
They hold each other, the sheets as mess as he replies, "Neither am I."

Neither of them admitted they held each other tighter than they normally would, both of them scared to lose the other again.


End file.
